Do you ever get irritated when a family member asks you to do something that you know they could do for themselves? Do you sometimes feel obligated to take on extra tasks at work to show your competence, cheerfulness, cooperativeness, or team spirit—or, worse yet, because you feel too intimidated to tell your boss or manager that you’d love to help but your plate is already piled precariously high with projects? Have you ever taken on a responsibility for a friend, neighbour, club, school, church, or other entity that you knew didn’t fit your schedule, your talent, your temperament, or your vision for your life simply because you felt you couldn’t say no?  Well, if you have been in this situation, you’re not alone.

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Why do we sometimes need to say NO?

Many people—and many women in particular—find it difficult to say “No” when asked to do something.  And while the reasons can vary considerably, the results are very similar: overwork, a too-hectic lifestyle, insufficient rest or sleep—all of which, when continued long-term, inevitably lead to tension, stress, a myriad physical complaints, an emotional milieu of resentment and anger, and ultimately depression or burnout.

While helping others can be extremely rewarding and doing so is definitely an important part of a balanced life, there’s little question that oftentimes many of us overdo it.  We all need to live with purpose, to demonstrate compassion, and to lend a helping hand to those in need.  That’s simply part of being human.  Yet, we also need to remember that one person can only do so much, and it’s wise to choose the contributions we will make to the greater good with care, thought, and planning.

Of course there will be times when our good deeds will be done spontaneously, in a compassionate moment, when we see a need and feel compelled to fill it.  This is a normal, healthy response to our natural sympathetic impulses.  Yet, in many cases, we need to pause and assess our circumstances, count the cost before taking on a task or accepting a responsibility that has been thrust upon us with the presumptuous expectation that we will simply comply—particularly when it comes to long-term commitments.

Replenishing our personal reserves

It’s always important for us to remember that we can never give away more than we have - no matter how hard we try.  If we continually scatter our energy, strength, emotional and mental resources—without regard to the subtle messages our minds and bodies send us and without replenishing those personal reserves—we will soon find that they’ve been depleted and we have nothing left to give.  Perhaps more importantly, we will also discover that we have nothing left with which to maintain our equilibrium.  In short, our mental and emotional balance and our physical health and well-being will suffer.

This is why we need to consistently refuel physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.  If we repeatedly ignore our car’s fuel gauge and continue driving our vehicle long distances without a refill, we’ll eventually reach a point where we’re “running on fumes.”  If you’ve experienced this, you know that it doesn’t take long before those “fumes” dissipate and you stop dead in your tracks.  Likewise, if you’ve experienced a time when you were running on emotional or physical “fumes,” you know that, before long, the same thing happens.  Cars simply weren’t made to continue functioning after their fuel runs out – and neither were people.  This is why it’s important to find convenient refueling stations as we travel the road of life.

How can we refill the tank?

So, what are some “refueling stops” you can make to fill your “tank”?

Realize that others can do things, too.  
It isn’t necessary for you to feel obligated to say “Yes” to every request.  There are other very capable people all around you.  If they aren’t stepping up to the plate, it may be because you’ve made them too comfortable by always being available yourself.  This realization can help free you from guilt and reduce your stress level.

Take on less. 
This single action will help you decrease tension and increase your feelings of freedom and emotional well-being.  Learn to say “No,” without guilt. Be honest with yourself and others about your limits, and gently enforce them.  Knowing that you’ve succeeded in clearing your calendar and reducing unnecessary or unfair claims on your time and energy will feel like a breath of fresh air to your spirit.

Take time to rest. 
Park yourself in your easy chair every now and then, and put your feet up.  Read something light, enjoyable, edifying, or downright fun, or watch TV, making full use of your remote control unit.  Pamper yourself - or better yet, let someone else pamper you for a change.  Walk on the beach or weather permitting stretch out on a sun lounger in your back garden and sip an exotic drink - even if it’s only a lemonade or orange juice. It will work wonders for your outlook.

Eat better. 
Take time to plan your meals and don’t eat on the run.  Now that you have more free time, you should have little trouble planning a nourishing diet or relaxing while you eat it.  Eat more fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts, and seeds. Make salads a part of your daily routine.  You’ll feel the difference.

Get more sleep.  
Sleep deprivation is not a badge of honor.  It’s a fast track to an early grave.  Once you’ve begun doing less, it should be easier to move up your bedtime or move back the time you rise each morning to give yourself some much-needed shut-eye.

Do something you enjoy
—something that soothes your spirit.  Walk—or work—in the garden.  If you’re artistic, draw, paint, or make a collage. Play an instrument, write or sing a song.  See a movie with a friend.  Go out to dinner, get a facial or massage, or play a friendly game of bridge or bingo, fit in a round of golf.  Reconnect over coffee with someone you haven’t seen in a while.

Get regular exercise.  
Check with your doctor, if you’ve been sedentary, and always start slowly and gently, building up gradually to more activity.  Walk, swim, ride a bike, stretch, or use a treadmill.  Exercise will increase your feelings of well-being and make you feel invigorated.

Seek support from others.  
Foster mutually supportive relationships. Let others encourage you and replenish your emotional reserves, as you do theirs.  It’s not a sign of weakness to need or enjoy moral support once in a while; everyone does.  It’s a normal part of healthy relationships.  If you’re not used it, it may feel strange at first. But, in time, you’ll acclimatise.

Ask for help.  
When you’re overwhelmed or overworked, get help.  Delegate whenever it’s reasonable to do so, at home or work.  When you need help, ask for it casually and without nagging, fully expecting others to lend a hand—just as you’ve always done for them.

Give the above ideas a try, and begin to experience a more balanced life!